Most of the time, I like being a person. I’m generally a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky kid.
Except for once a month.
Once a month, God gives me a gift that I would much rather not receive. And no, it is not one of those Jams and Jellies monthly subscription gift baskets everyone’s great-aunt Gertrude gets them every year. It’s my period.
All of you ladies know what I’m talking about. First, there’s the week or two leading up to it. You start sobbing uncontrollably for no reason. The next thing you know, the newest episode of your favorite binge-watching show comes out, and you’re just as happy as ever. All you want to do is hide underneath the covers and eat chocolate. You’re perpetually tired, stressed, depressed, anxious, and just plain confused. You just want the darn thing to come already so you can be put out of your misery. To make a long story short, PMS is h-e-double-hockeysticks on earth.
Then the actual thing comes. The next thing you know, all of your clothes and sheets are stained red. You feel like somebody is repeatedly punching you in the gut. You feel nauseous all the time and end up going to the bathroom so often that the person who sits across from you in math class asks if you’re still okay and functioning. This deeply offends you for some reason, so again, you start crying uncontrollably. You can’t sleep from being in constant pain. This leaves you grumpy, tired, and stressed. You reconsider your decision to get out of bed that morning.
Then, a week later, it’s over. Cue victory-dance music. You have survived another period.
Only 5,782 more to go.
Check out this video if you need a mid-period laugh: